careful...

meeting people, trusting again, and once again opening up to enjoy life-that is, to look at life in a more sun-shiney manner, recognizing opportunities, and seeing the goodness in every people I meet.

I'm in a current attempt to revive this feeling I used to have...the kind of positive energy which people have known me for...

Because as of the moment, I'm caught in a state of vulnerability.

I try to be careful of meeting people: of knowing my allies and the people whom I need to distance myself with...

I try to be careful of the things I say: because I still don't know if people wil understand, if they will be more forgiving of the things I say, or open to the ideas which I have.

I try not to be too overwhelmed: because i don't know if I''m directing my energies and efforts on the right stuff, where things and decisions will lead me.


And so now, I wait...become observant of the different things revolving in this state, this situation.

At the same time, I try to enjoy, cherish the people whom I meet, because when the time comes that I become, or feel "whole" again, I know whom to thank, whom to look back to, whom to trust!

***

NOte to self: follow te sherm's advice: "Do not burn bridges"

***

lately, the waters seem rough and restless,
waves getting thicker, more agitated...

and here I am, flowing through the waters of my life,
trying not to drown.

-nyanya

***

the daily grind

Remembering the first time I got into the writing career, I felt so psyched, like I'm on top of the world. I felt that eventually, and slowly, I am getting what I've been praying for such a long time. However, the more I get into the flow of everyday work in the office, I begin to feel the difficulites--not only of those times when I find it really hard to prcoess and get my thoughts in logical order and write, but to relate with people, to stand out, feel worthy, and feel that I am able to contribute something and not just a mere robot employee, doing only the assigned tasks, or a salingpusa who still has a lot of things to learn, or whose menial tasks are given to.

A lot of times, my strength gets depleted. And at the end of the day, instead of feeling successful, I feel that I'm not doing enough. I wanted to be a woman of action, but I am limited to the things I'm grasping to learn.


I just do pray that I surpass all these things, because, really, I'm just starting, and I have a whole lot of things to learn.

It's just that I miss feeling positive that I can do things, to feel that I am on my ground, and be in charge.

This reminds me of what Chan said a few years ago: "Stand your ground!"

And I do hope I can!

***
Dealing with jaded people

I am just new at work. At first, I was really enjoying the tasks given to me, but as time went by, I have encountered people who have been feeling the burn-out. Specifically, there is this one person who I'm forced to see day-by-day, that person* with the far-away, stressed. let-me-out-of-here look zaps the energy of other people.

I know that one shouldn't let these kinds of things get in the way of one's happiness of doing things, but then again, seeing that person everyday doesn't help much.

The person* continues to be a major de-motivator.

I don't blame that person for already feeling burned-out, but as a message: at least find the little strength to inspire people around you--to while away the time, why not train people, why not savor the last moments with the people around you.

***

Incidentally this post co-incides with today's celebration of Labor day. Do pray that for all of us working people, may we find the strength to find enjoyment in what we do, feel inspired that we are able to contribute or skills to society.

*The author refuses to name the person being mentioned here*

Enjoying life's simplicity

There are times when we think of wanting to live a grandiose, fabulous lifestyle, where schedules are jampacked with various functions, where we think of improving our social status, of wanting to feel on top of things. We think of posh, rich lifestyles where we visualize ourselves to be worry-free of spending, where acquiring material things will be easy.

But then, at times, its nice to take pleasure in the simplicity of things, of feeling content of what we have--our family, our nice little homes, the kind of entertainment that we can easily afford, like catching up on movies, and tv shows that we git behing with, catching up on the latest "usapan" with our families, wandering and taking a walk within the neighborhood or one's backyard, playing with our pets which we haven't tended with for the most times (maybe due to our busy schedules, and usual tiresome days), and listening to some old stacks of cds, or song collections we haven't played for a while.

It's nice to wander an wonder upon the things within reach. It sort of gives a contented, worry-free vibe. These simple things prevent you from feeling anxious, or thinking about the things we need to acquire.

There is a relaxing feeling in reveling in the simple things in life.

The holy week has given me this time to reflect, and to enjoy in the simplicity of things. For two days, i resisted the urge to think about life's complexities, or rather prevent myself from the usual, everyday worries, and the result was indeed relaxing.

Times like this is sort of a recharging state, a time to reflect on the things we have accomplished, to feel content in the things we have acquired over time.

This is bliss.

Hope you guys enjoyed your holy week as well:) Happy easter everyone!:)

killing time

this is what boredom does:

Paghihintay

Nung bata pa ako, madalas akong dalhin ni Mama sa ospital. Hindi dahil lagi akong may sakit, kundi dahil walang magbabantay sa akin sa bahay.

Isang med-tech ang aking ina, at nagtatrabaho sa ospital.

Kadalasan, nakaupo lang ako sa isang gilid ng kuwarto, kung saan siya nagtatrabaho—nagmamasid-masid, nakikinig ng kanta sa radio, nakikinig sa usapan ng kanyang mga ka-opisina, o kung kapag sinuwerte, nakapapanood ng telebisyon sa isang silid kung saan andun ang mga pasiyente, o yung mga blood donors, ika nga.

Minsan din, inuubos ko ang oras ko sa pagguhit—pagguhit ng mga bagay na namumuo sa aking kaisipan. Karaniwan lang naman ang mga bagay-bagay o lugar na naiguguhit ko—mga bundok, puno,sakahan o karagatan.

Masaya ako pag dinadala ako ni mama sa ospital na kanyang pinagtatrabahuan. Ito kasi ang panahon kung saan binibili niya ako ng pagkain, paborito ko man o hindi; nililibre din ako ng kanyang mga ka-opisina ng iba’t ibang bagay, na kadalasan,ay pagkain din!

Hindi ako madalas makipag-usap. Hindi dahil sa ayaw ko, kung hindi dahil busy ang karamihan. Bilang isang bata, kinokontento ko na ang sarili ko sa pagmamasid at panonood sa mga tao at tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na nag-ookupa ng kanilang panahon, at mga bagay na kailangang gawin.

Ang mga panahong iyon ay panahon ng paghihintay kay mama, hanggang sa matapos ang araw niya sa kanyang trabaho. Buong walong oras ay ginugugol ko sa paghihintay, hanggang sa mag alas-singko na at oras na ng kanyang uwian.

Ang mga panahon ng paghihintay noon na yata ang nagturo sa akin upang maging pasensyoso.

Hindi madali ang paghihintay. Mag-iisip ka ng mga bagay na pwede mong gawin upang maubos ang oras. Kadalasan nakakainip ito, nakakapagod, at nakasasakit ng ulo.

Sa aking pagtanda, marami pa ring oras ang nauubos ko sa paghihintay—kadalasan ang paghihintay na ito ay konektado sa pagdating—pagdating ng isang bagay, pagdating ng katapusan, o pagdating ng isang pangyayari.

Gumugugol tayo ng panahon sa paghihintay. Ngunit ang paghihintay na ito, hindi rin naman kailangang sabayan nng pagkabagot, o pagkainip. Lalo lang nitong pinapalala ang inis o pagod na dulot ng paghihintay.

Marami rin namang pwedeng gawin habang naghihintay. Maraming bagay na pwedeng pag-ukulan ng panahon, at pwede ka pa ring maghintay habang nagsasaya ka sa mga bagay-bagay na iyong ginagawa sa kasalukuyan.###

treading the waters

After the jump, I have to get used to the waters. At first, it was an unfamiliar feeling, or a new initial emotion to a new surrounding, a new part of the seas. BUt after some time, I get used to the waters, and Ive been creating patterns, style, and I have learned to adjust.

Now, I'm loving the waters, enjoying the newfound coolness, surfing in new waves.

It's nice, and yes, I'm loving it!

my apologies...

I owe people a visit..big time...tsk, tsk, tsk

grateful

in my world, there are only two people who can call me kapatid and really mean it: Tere and Cze.

I love you guys, and I consider you my greatest and most loving sisters!!!

BUt these are not the only people who mean everything in my life.

There's my closest office barkada. My very recent bestfriends who made me tougher and more mature. THank you for your experienced knowledge and for the pieces of advice on growing up and being strong. Thank you for keeping up with my immaturity and for my agressiveness in terms of making decisions for myself. These people include Tin-tin, Joey, Abi, and Rox.

For my team Pep barkada, who kept me sane and constantly remind me of my youth. You've brought back childhood joy and reminded me to enjoy my youth-stage, or that is, to just enjoy what I have as of the moment. Thank you for never failing to bring in the fun and laughter. Thanks to Trisha and Grace (my fave team Pep girlz!), Pit (who is such a bouncy and huggable guy), Pat (he's bearable "yabang-ness" which became funny and one source of laughter as time went by), Mat (who seemed "high" most of the time, for being one of my drinking buddies, and for his green jokes), Marvin (who is my fave ultimate playboy.."matinik sa chicks!", i'll miss his stories about his girls), Rizza and Rox (my second fave team Pep girl buddies), JL (one of my motivators) and Bod (for his natural humor, life of whatever crowd, funny gay and another drinking buddy).

For my wavemates, my first crowd and my group of "ate"s: Jha, Tet, May and Alaine. Being with you feels like i'm on a set of Sex and the City. (of coure, this group includes Tin, but she's in every group I'm in...and she's one of my bestest, most fave persons..)

Doing this "thank-you" post reminded me of that one statement that has been crossing my mind every now and then for a week now. I first heard it on one episode of Grey's anatomy. Dr. Christine Yang said this (about Meredith) "She's my person".

I also heard this phrase when I watched Bolt. Bolt said this to describe his human bestfriend.

To all of these people whom I mentioned, You are all my person.